


Midnight at the Body Shop

by Brumeier



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Body Modification, Community: ushobwri, Established Relationship, M/M, Vampires, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 17:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16413140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/pseuds/Brumeier
Summary: Rodney wasn't thrilled to be at the Body Shop, where body parts could be purchased by very specific segments of the supernatural community, but it worked out well in the end.





	Midnight at the Body Shop

**Author's Note:**

> Monster Fest: Undead

“Stop crying about your arm,” Rodney snapped. “If you’d been more careful, like I told you, you wouldn’t have lost it.”

The windshield wipers were working overtime to keep up with the downpour, which was just another thing to add to Rodney’s ire. He was already damp from running to the car in the first place, and with his luck he’d get sick. Probably something phlegmy, like pneumonia.

“I had that arm my whole life!” Kavanagh whined. “Besides, this isn’t my fault.” 

“I beg to differ. You were the one running unsanctioned experiments after hours. If you hadn’t died, I wouldn’t be out in this monsoon risking my delicate physical health.”

Rodney and Kavanagh had never gotten along. The other man was obnoxious, petty, and kept a running tally of everything his colleagues did wrong. Or what Kavanagh considered wrong, in any case. But Rodney was the boss and so he was stuck taking care of his newly-zombified scientist.

He took a left on Traction Avenue, sheets of rain spraying up from the road. Rodney hated driving at night. Multiply that by a thousand and that’s how he felt about driving at night in the rain. Oncoming headlights momentarily blinded him, and he almost missed their stop.

“Where are we?” Kavanagh asked, trying to look through the rivulets of rain running down the side window.

“We’re getting you a new arm so you can get back to work.”

The Body Shop didn’t open until midnight and Rodney made sure they got there as close to that time as possible. He had no interest in mingling with the unsavory crowds that frequented that type of market, particularly when he was sleep deprived.

Sandalwood incense was burning at various spots around the store, which in no way covered the smells of formaldehyde, disinfectant, and rot. Luckily Rodney had come prepared with some cinnamon oil to smear under his nose. He didn’t share any with Kavanagh because the smells of death were pleasant to the undead.

Rodney consulted the large signs hanging at the front of every aisle. 

_Aisle One: Internal Organs (brains in secure room at rear)_  
_Aisle Two: Legs, Feet, Toes_  
_Aisle Three: Arms, Hands, Fingers_  
_Aisle Four: Ears, Eyes, Noses, Lips_  
_Aisle Five: Skin, Sex Organs_  
_Aisle Six: Bodily Fluids_

“Let’s go, Kavanagh.”

All the dismembered limbs were kept on ice to preserve their freshness. The Body Shop had an excellent reputation, the body parts they offered for sale only gently used and of legal provenance. Rodney wouldn’t have gone anywhere else.

“So, what? I just pick an arm?” Kavanagh’s face was a mask of disgust.

“You’re a zombie. The time for fastidiousness is over.”

Rodney crossed his arms and waited impatiently. He supposed he should be thankful Kavanagh didn’t need an eye; the jars full of eyeballs were incredibly disconcerting.

“What about this one?”

“That’s a left arm, you moron. You still have one of those.”

“Dr. McKay,” said a familiar velvety voice. “Don’t see you at this end of town too often.”

Rodney turned, schooling his features to keep the smile off his face. “Sheppard. You’re in the wrong spot. I believe bodily fluids are four aisles over.”

John Sheppard was a vampire and sexy as hell. They’d crossed paths a time or two. One of those times may or may not have been in John’s oversized bed with the red satin sheets.

“I’m here on an errand for Dr. Beckett,” John said, leaning against a display case full of hands of various size and skin tone.

“Is that madman still trying to animate dead flesh?”

John shrugged, his every movement fluid and graceful. And sexy, let’s don’t forget sexy. Rodney might’ve been just a little bit horny. “You know the Doc. Single-minded in his purpose. He needs a leg and a liver.”

No-one understood the reanimation process in respect to zombies, though there’d been endless study. Beckett was going a step further by trying to assemble various dead pieces to create a whole man. Unsuccessfully, of course.

“What about this one?” Kavanagh asked.

“If you were a black body-builder it would be perfect. Keep looking,” Rodney replied, barely sparing him a glance. “So, uh…what’ve you been up to?”

“Business as usual. You know how it is.”

John ran a night club that catered to members of the supernatural underworld. It was neutral ground, where warring factions could go have a good time and leave the politics behind for a little while. Rodney had stumbled upon it accidentally, which was when he first met John. For an undeniably brilliant human person, Rodney found himself with a lot of less-than-human associates.

“How much longer do you have to babysit the newbie?” John asked, nodding his head at Kavanagh.

“I need to make sure he picks out a decent arm, and then drive him to the clinic so he can get it attached and functioning. He’s on his own after that.”

Rodney knew the clinic would keep Kavanagh overnight, make sure the attachment surgery was successful. And since he was such a new zombie, there’d be some counseling sessions for him as well.

“You want to get together after? I’ve got all night.” John waggled his eyebrows, which was not at all suave or vampire-like. Rodney liked it anyway.

“Sounds good. I mean, I’m a little tired…” He tried an eyebrow wag of his own, but he wasn’t sure he pulled it off. One of the perks of being with a vampire was getting a hit of vampire blood. It was like Red Bull, Jolt Cola, and Viagra all in one small sip.

“I’m sure we can think of something if we put our heads together,” John said suggestively.

“This is the one!” Kavanagh said triumphantly. He was holding a suitably thin and pasty arm that had the word blow tattooed across the fingers. It was probably the closest match they’d be able to find without putting in a special request.

“Fine. Let’s go. Dr. Biro is waiting for you.” Rodney pushed Kavanagh in the direction of the registers, and then turned to John. “Meet you at your place in half an hour?”

John ran his tongue over his fangs. “Looking forward to it.”

Damn, he was hot. Rodney already felt flushed and they hadn’t even touched yet. “Yes, well, uh…me too.”

A pair of teenaged ghouls pushing a shopping cart walked between them, one reading from a list. John dropped a wink and then slipped off to find the body parts his mad scientist friend needed in his unending quest to become a ridiculous cliché. Beckett gave pure science a bad name.

Rodney joined Kavanagh at the register, flashing his ID and paying for the arm since the loss of the original had been a job-related incident. He’d find a way to recoup his costs. He always did.

“Okay. Let’s get you to the clinic. I have a date, and you have to get back to work. That death ray isn’t going to build itself, you know.”

**Author's Note:**

>  **AN:** Inspired by the body shop in the movie _Dylan Dog: Dead of Night_. Thanks to nagi_schwarz for the suggestion of turning Kavanagh into a zombie. ::grins::


End file.
